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At this point, I’ve done a few Tinder Files posts about the crazy things people say on dating apps, and gotten pretty positive feedback. People really seem to like the idea, even if they’re only here to laugh at the funny ones. That’s okay with me. People are becoming aware of my cause, at the very least.
For those of you who are new to Uninspired, The Tinder Files is a series I run once a month, where I round up the ten best and worst pickup lines that men have actually sent to me on dating apps like Tinder, Bumble, OKCupid, and more. If you want the full rundown of what I’m doing and why, check this post out. If you want the Reader’s Digest version, read on here.
People are quite brazen when they have a computer or phone screen in between them while talking to someone. It’s quite clear– most men on dating apps forget there’s a real human on the other side of their messages. Because of this, I’ve started posting the rudest, the crudest, and the stupidest of pickup lines. Of course, in the interest of positivity, I also put up a handful of the fantastically clever, and the sweet. This is my platform to hold people accountable for what they say on dating apps, because I feel that if you wouldn’t say something to a woman at a bar, you shouldn’t say it online, either. Dating apps are supposed to be a new way of meeting people, not a way to let your inhibitions go and become careless and ratchet. So, that’s why we’re here. And, y’know, sometimes the shit people say is really freakin’ funny.
Of course, I’ve set some ground rules for myself, because this is not about me just being a snotty jerk who’s too good for everybody. Like I said when I first explained the idea, this about re-creating a healthy dating culture. It’s not about making fun of people. Because of this, I’ll never make fun of a person’s appearance. This includes their race, ethnicity, or anything else about how they look to me. I will also never make fun of someone who seemed to put forth a good effort. I know how hard it can be to put yourself out there. Finally, I’ll blur out any clearly identifying details like clear faces in pictures, names, and locations. Not tryna get sued for slander even though y’all did put this shit on the internet. Didn’t your mothers ever teach you about what happens when you put things on the internet??
Now, I’m finally done talking, and we can get to the good stuff. This is the March 2017 edition of the Tinder Files. Ten pickup lines I’ve actually received on dating apps and chose to showcase for you lovely folks today. Enjoy!
1. The Cliffhanger
Mark my words, this is an actual move. Not a typo- a real move. The girl gets SO curious about what he loves about her that she messages him back. Even if she’s not attracted to him, even if she wouldn’t have messaged him back otherwise. Clever, but only gets you one message. After she finds out what you were going to say, she still won’t be attracted to you if she wasn’t before.
2. Eat the Booty
Oh, well in THAT case…
3. If You’re Feeling Down
I actually was feeling down when I received this, and it really did make me feel better.
4. Swiped for the Dog
Honestly, I get this a lot. He’s a cute dog, no one can deny it. And actually, I just tweeted about doing this to people so I can’t even be upset.
5. Almost Really Cute
This one made me mad. Not as mad as the next one, (patience, we’ll get there) but pretty damn mad. Looks like he took a page out of Barney Stinson’s Playbook, and tried to lower my self-esteem so I’d sleep with him. Didn’t work for him.
6. Not Reactive
Ok, this is a long set of screenshots, but bear with me. It’s worth it and has a happy ending. Have you ever seen such a condescending, snobby, patronizing motherfucker in your whole life? I’m sorry, I’ve never heard the word “inert” be used that way. If he had just said “haha no I meant like, inactive,” I would’ve laughed at myself for not picking up on that and we could’ve moved on. But hey, I dodged a bullet. Although I also dodged some tacos, which I’m less happy about.
7. Something For Your Blog
It’s a kEYBOARD PENIS hahhahaahahhaaha!1!1!!
I don’t even think I have to say anything else about this. My response to him was enough.
What is this persistence about?? And this whiny-baby syndrome when someone isn’t interested? Ugh, I don’t have the energy to fight the patriarchy right now.
10. Oh, Now She Responds
As I have the last few months, I’m going to end on a happy note. A couple of my picks this month made me pretty angry, but thankfully, one or two always save the day. This guy started off pretty basic with his psychoanalysis comment, but turned out to be really witty. Just goes to show that you can’t judge a book by it’s first line.