The Tinder Files- Best/Worst Pickup Lines of January 2017

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As I mentioned in my previous blog post, online dating sites like Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and OKCupid make it easy to meet people for hookups, relationships, and more. However, the easy nature of dating services also makes it easy to lose sight of the actual person on the other end of your pickup lines. The Tinder Files are a collection of great and terrible pickup lines that I’ll be posting at the end of every month. They are my attempt to hold people accountable for what they say on social media. And sometimes they’re really freakin’ funny.

I post the totally inappropriate and gross pickup lines, in hopes it’ll become less acceptable to treat people like sex objects. I post the ones that don’t make sense, because even someone you’re just looking for casual sex with deserves a proofread message. And bro, it’s just not good for your game if your “hey” actually comes out as “gey.” But of course, I’ll also post the funny, the sweet, and the fantastically clever. Because in the midst of all that negativity, we need to remember that the romantics are out there, too. Somewhere. In a deep dark hole.

Like I said in the last post, I have some rules I’m following in an attempt to not be a total jerk. I’ll never make fun of anyone’s appearance, race, ethnicity, etc. This is not about me being too good for the people I post about, it’s about re-creating a healthy dating culture. And sometimes laughing. I’ll also never put anyone down who seemed to have good intentions– I know how hard it is to put yourself out there. I will also cover up any glaring identifying features, like real names and locations. Don’t wanna be sued for slander even though all’a y’all’s mamas warned you about what happens when you post things on the internet.

So, without further ado, here’s this month’s edition of the Tinder Files.

1. A Shot of Love

This first pickup line might’ve been the first unbearable thing that happened in that unspeakable year we just left. And, did he mean a shot AT love? Or did I win like, a shot glass full of love?

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

 

2. Psych Major or Psychic?

Am I a psych major, or a psychic? Meh, they’re interchangeable. Y’know, this is why people don’t get mental health treatment. They think therapists are reading their minds.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

 

3. Are You a Gorilla Exhibit?

R.I.P. Harambe, you will be meme– I mean missed — for years to come. 

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

4. Gag Reflex

I’m sorry. I can’t come up with a wittier caption than the line I already gave him.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

5. Halves on a Baby

Wanna go halves on aaaa… burrito? Pizza? Oh, a baby. Natural progression. Sure. Nice to meet you, too.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

6. Ride or Die

Chivalry is still alive and well. Who needs fairy tales when you have this gem of a man?

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

7. The Thinker

*Hits blunt* I dunno, bruh. But in all honesty though, this one got me thinking.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

 

8. Get Stoned and Eat Mexican

guESS I WON’T BE DOING YOU *ba dum tschhh*

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

9. Bey

Mistakes happen, even in the only word you have to look over before hitting send.

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

10. Actually Cute and Clever

I like to end on a good note. So, for the last pickup line of the day, I’m going with this one:

The Tinder Files are my attempt to hold people accountable for the crude pickup lines they use on people on online dating services. And sometimes they're freakin' funny.

What are some of the best and worst pickup lines you’ve ever received on a dating app or site? Let me know in the comments!

9 Comments

  1. Oh my goodness this is more random than I thought. As long as I’ve a face you’ll have somewhere to sit…
    One of the funniest things i have read. Great for #ThrowbackThursday

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